So I always feel a little bit bad when I see an intelligent, talented person who decides not to spread those important, talented, intelligent genes forward. But I’d never make anyone feel guilty about that. No one is stupid because they don’t want to have kids. But it does bother me a little, as someone who (for whatever reason) cares about the future of the species.
Oh, I have plenty of people to make me feel guilty about it already, thank you.
Also, I understand the core issue now. It’s not that I’m selfish, it’s that I don’t care about the future of the species. Got it. Thanks.
Also, there are _many_ intelligent people that are terrible parents.
I can see bcompton’s point, and if you have seen the movie Idiocracy you will know what he’s talking about. But another way to look at it would be: How do you want the smart people to spend their time? Do you want them changing diapers or going to t-ball games when they could be putting together a cure for cancer or coming up with an alternative energy source? I think there will always be *enough* smart people who are driven to procreate, so that there will be a decent supply of people who will solve the world’s problems - even generations in the future.
I have never wanted children. I’ve always been the victim of the “you’ll change your mind when you get older[!]” line.
You know what? I’ve never changed my mind.
There is nothing wrong with the fact that I don’t want to procreate. People can make their own choices. I’m just sick of people assuming there’s something wrong with me, or that I’m so unschooled in the ways of life that I “don’t understand yet.”
I parked outside of work today and a woman was watching her grandchildren play in some grass. We waved at one another. The elder boy, a three year old, grabbed his tonka truck and ran, at full speed, towards a busy road. Luckily I was right near the road itself to intercept.
If I had children, I know that the rest of my life would be full of that feeling—running to the road to intercept. I would never be happy. It’s just the way that I am, and I wish that I wasn’t that way sometimes.
I am not, however, opposed to having kittens. Not biologically of course, as that would be creepy.
That’s a definite mark in the “con” column for having kids. If it’s not protecting them from running in the street, it’s WHAT DID YOU JUST PUT IN YOUR MOUTH WAS IT POISONOUS? Or she has croup and OH NO IS SHE GOING TO STOP BREATHING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. No harm in not having kids. There are a lot of good things about having kids, but it’s all about what you want in your life. Many people tell me good things about having a whole houseful of kids in an attempt to convince me that one kid isn’t enough. But I know that having more than one child would stress me out completely, so I have to stick to what is right for me. And I’m happy that you are too.
The tea plant (Camellia sinensis) is an example of a plant said to have a naturally high tannin content…..
If ingested in excessive quantities, tannins inhibit the absorption of minerals such as iron which may, if prolonged, lead to anemia.…Tannins only reduce the bioavailability of plant sources of iron, also known as non-heme. Animal sources, or heme iron absorption will not be affected by tannins…
In order to prevent these problems, it is advised to drink tea and coffee between meals, not during. Foods rich in vitamin C help neutralize tannin’s effects on iron absorption. Adding lemon juice to tea will reduce the negative effect of tannins in iron absorption as well….
Maybe this is why I’m having trouble getting a high enough iron count to give blood? I’ve dramatically increased my tea intake over the past year, which seems to coincide with more failed attempts to give blood. Post hoc, ergo propter hoc, I know….
It’s amazing how the simple act of writing down every one of the tasks I need to do makes my stress level drop dramatically. The list is still long and at times overwhelming, but I don’t need to spend any mental energy trying to remember what I need to do. Plus I can see clearly what is left and the progress I have made instead of only knowing that there is still more to do.
I appreciated all of the thoughtful posts about your own fathers and your own experiences of being fathers or planning to become fathers. Not all were pleasant of course, but I am thankful that all of you took the time to show a deeper side of yourselves today. I am happy that there are still people who think in bursts that are longer than 140 characters.
My dad left a huge impact on me. On one hand, he gave me a huge appreciation for sarcasm, word play, and music. On the other, he gave me a huge distrust of men that I’m not sure if I’ll ever overcome. Deep down, I assume that men think of women as inferior, as property. That women don’t have minds of their own or would ever want to persue interests outside of him. That in the later years after my mom left followed by my sweet-but-too-independent-for-him stepmom, he had a sadness that was as infectious as his laughter had been before. I felt drained after visiting him. His anxiety was also infectious.
But overall, I don’t think about any of that negative stuff now. I have been “romanticizing” my father since his death. By that, I mean that I am remembering things in a much more positive light than when they actually occurred. I’m also rationalizing his behavior much more than when he was alive - he was a drunk because his parents were drunks, and so what if he was a drunk, he got sober for us when I was 10 and didn’t have another drop. He was a much better father than husband - but that was because his parents were always beating the shit out of each other, how was he supposed to learn how to love a wife?
Plus, I can’t deny that even the negative stuff had a positive impact on my life. Many aspects of his personality served as red flags as I searched for a mate. After my mom’s parents had a picture perfect marriage (for over 63 years now!), she didn’t know first hand what to look for in terms of making sure your husband takes you seriously. That just because a guy can make you laugh and feel special doesn’t mean that the act won’t be dropped the second you get married. From my folks, I learned that you have to do an age-progression on your relationship and figure out if this person is really going to fit with you later on.
So since I’m happy with where my life has ended up, I mostly remember the good times now. When he let me tell a stupid joke on the radio when I was 3 or 4. When he and I would play gin rummy early on Christmas morning when waiting for my mom and brother to wake up. When he drove me from Dallas to Oklahoma City because I was too scared to fly in one of those little planes and then a few years later driving me to the airport hours before dawn when I was leaving to spend the summer in DC. When he brought me a corsage for my college graduation and then backed my Uhaul truck into a parking space at my apartment so I could move a few hours further away from him the next day.
If my mind wants to sugar coat everything, who am I to stop it?
Fourth grade. I had to do something for school called “Invent America”. Which meant I had to come up with an invention, complete with an advertising campaign. The school made it sound so damn easy. The other kids thought it was so damn easy.
I’m smart but I don’t have a creative bone in my body.
We had a few weeks to work on it, and a few days before the due date I still had nothing.
I shared my dilemma with my father. Immediately he came up with an idea. Take cereal, place it in a small container, and put some powdered milk in. He called it Travel Toasties. You know, for when you’re on the go and can’t carry fresh milk with you. And apparently want cereal for some reason.
But oh, crap, I didn’t have any sort of slogan or marketing materials.
He immediately thought of using “The one for the road” as a slogan. I was too young to get the drinking reference so I went with it.
I got all the stuff together and it was good enough to get a decent grade. I never tried the product - I can only imagine how horrible it would be.
My dad wasn’t an engineer so he never helped me win the science fair or anything. But he was a crazy guy who came up with a stupid idea that was just cromulent enough to bail out his uninspired daughter.
"Brogdon was said his Christian faith gives him a responsibility to help the less fortunate, but doesn’t think the government shares the same obligation.
His wife, Donna, said there are benefits to serving the less fortunate personally, rather than relying on the government.
“When you serve others personally, you get to see the smiles on their faces, and actually see the work being done,” she said. “If we leave it up to the government, we personally miss the blessings of serving others.”
Potential Oklahoma governor’s wife sounds like a real treat. Government shouldn’t be doing anything to help people so that we get the joy of doing it ourselves?
Dontcha think that people who would feel the benefits of volunteering are already doing it? And we can only feel the benefit of giving money if we see the fruits of our donation directly? That’s it…No more giving to Doctors Without Borders or Heifer International. Guess I’ll have to personally deliver medical supplies and sheep to foreign countries this Christmas.
Randy Brogdan: Screwing the people of Oklahoma using religion and flimsy logic since 2011.
A home is not a place. It is a living, organic mass of energy with a roof. When you delete or modify one of its elements, it’s no longer the same home or energy. And kids get that. Kids understand the waves and forces and light that make up a home. They also inherently understand that once it’s changed, it will never reshape into that familiar energy again.
This causes fear and anxiety of the unknown. It plants seeds of distrust and anger. Even hatred. It removes the roof and exposes them to all of the elements they once felt protected against. It is overwhelming for them. It is far outside their bounds of safety. Mostly, it is just painful.
But here’s the rub for any parent: It’s the one pain you can never take away. Because you were its cause.
This broke my heart when I read it. I’m keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
When I was small, my dad had a morning paper route. I went with him very early one summer morning. One of his drop off points was at a 7-11 store. I asked him if I could buy a donut with my allowance money, which might have been the first thing I purchased with my own money. He said yes, and I picked out a chocolate one. He bought one for himself too, and he also bought me a Peach Nehi drink. It was the first time I had Peach Nehi and I absolutely LOVED it.
That morning with him has stuck with me for no particular reason, other than I’m just a very simple person who remembers and treasures “nice” moments at the same rate as trips to Six Flags. So to kick off Father’s Day weekend this morning on my way to work I purchased a Peach Nehi and a chocolate donut.
Clip from the Father’s Day show my dad did on the radio last year. I’m posting it in its 3 minute entirety but he starts talking at about 1 minute. He gets teary about his grandkid, and it kills me that he’s not going to get to see her grow up.
Why is the old TiVo remote with no batteries still on the couch? I would think that one of us would have had the bright idea of placing the remote in the junk drawer or in the office or something. Frequently I pick up a remote thinking “this one is too light to have batteries” and I am right. Chances are, I will just post this and do nothing with the offending remote, cuz it kind of gets funny after a while.
Them (male): Why doesn’t autorun work on my CD drive?
Me: Because VMWare disables autorun when you install it.
Them: That doesn’t sound right.
(wait 30 minutes)
Them: Hey, NotEntropyAS says that it’s caused by VMWare.
Them #2 (male): NotEntropyAS rules!
Me: I said that 30 minutes ago.
Even though that’s all I said, I immediately regretted saying the equivalent of “I told you so” and chastised myself for being petty. I said this because I automatically and perhaps unfairly blamed them for discounting my advice based on gender. But maybe overlooked advice happens to everybody, even men….I’m overthinking it, like chicks tend to do. Am I a castrating shrew?
Is anyone but me creeped out by some of these commercials?
I expect the next one in the series to be something like “When my teenage daughter’s friend stays at our house overnight, should I watch her take a shower? I mean, she might fall or something. I’m just trying to do the right thing.”
I spent some time last night talking to someone close to me about the pros and cons of getting married. I was hoping to lead this person in the right direction using a series of questions, some of which are included here:
1. Do you want to be around this person? If you are going to see your partner that evening, do you look forward to it? If they knock on your door are you filled with excitement or dread? Do you think “Yay! It’s X!” when you get a call/email/text from this person?
2. Do you laugh together? Maybe it’s just me but I think relationships are pretty much pointless unless you can make one another laugh.
3. Can you accept the fact that he/she is probably not going to change a whole lot? If he/she has a messy house before you get married, that’s not going to get better after you get married, and it might get worse.
4. Do you agree on the “big” things? Do you both want/not want children? Are you comfortable with your partner’s religious beliefs/non-beliefs if you don’t share them? Do you want to lead “normal” lives or backpack through Europe for five years? Do you have similar financial goals, or a plan to work around differences in spending habits?
5. How does your partner handle a crisis? If you got cancer or lost your job, would he/she be right there with you or run away? Would you want to be there for him/her if the reverse were true?
6. Are you willing to compromise a bit of yourself? Getting married means not always having 100% control of what’s on the TV. It means not being able to get a cat if he/she is allergic.
7. Does your partner accept you for who you, or is there any assumption on his/her part that you are going to change after you get married? Does your partner encourage and support your strengths and goals, or nag you for not being “better”?
8. Can you completely be yourself around this person? Can you laugh if you feel like laughing and cry if you feel like crying? A lifetime is a long time to pretend to be someone that you’re not.
I wonder what my high school life would have been like if things like Twitter and Facebook were around back then. Would they have made it easier for me to make friends in real life, since I’m much less awkward in writing than in person, or would they just have been additional ways to be outcast?
So one of my current hobbies is the act of trying to put my whole life into a neat little package. If I died right now, what would people have to handle on my behalf?
Will people be able to find my car keys? And car title? I pity those who would have to go through my filing cabinet and figure out how to do my taxes. Will my baby know how much I love her? Will my coworkers figure out how I have saved all of my work so they’ll be able to pick up where I left off? Will they be able to find anything in the bottomless trash pit I call a purse? Will they read my journals and know how weird I really was my whole life?
Will *that* be my last post on twitter that will remain until twitter shuts down? An @reply that really isn’t funny at all? Did I spend my last day in the world playing with my kid or worried about work?
I don’t want to live my life in a constant state of preparing for death, but it really is the polite thing to do. My father had most of his stuff in boxes, and even had all of his bills on the table next to the checkbook. He did his taxes early. He marked keepsakes that were important to him with notes such as “Save this!”. It was if he knew he was going to die soon, so he left everything in a state where my brother and I could figure out everything fairly easily. I am both grateful for this and a little creeped out by it.
We need to constantly be living our lives with competing goals. On one hand, we need to plan on living forever - saving money, exercising, spending time learning and bettering ourselves. On the other, we need to act as if we are going to die within the hour - having fun with the money we have, hugging the people we love, eating a huge container of ice cream by yourself. I guess the trick is to find the right balance without screwing over either your short term self or your long term self too much.
If you take a man and a woman doing the same office job and the same parenting job, the man will think he’s doing a good job at parenting, but not the woman.
This makes genetic sense. The men had to think the kids were fine when they left the cave to hunt. Or else they wouldn’t leave and no one would have eaten. The women had to think the kids always needed more attention. Otherwise, the women would say, “This is good enough” and then the kids would starve or get eaten by lions.
When a couple brings a child into the world, it would be nice if there were some kind of legally binding commitment that cannot be dissolved with divorce. Each member of the couple would agree to take care of the other’s affairs such as funeral arrangements, estate settlement, arrangement for long term health care, etc. This responsibility would continue until the death of both parties, until a child of the couple signs a waiver, or until another adult such as a new spouse agrees to take over such responsibilities.
Maybe then people would start taking both marriage and having children more seriously, and people like me wouldn’t get stuck twice with a bunch of emotionally draining work we never agreed to.
“Thrift stores are reacting to the new regulations by closing their children’s departments. Some have actually THROWN OUT any children’s books printed before 1985. That’s when printing ink still included lead – which might be a problem if children sat down and ate books, page by page, but is no problem at all if they just read them.”—Why is Congress “Protecting” Children from Books?”
Flight 447 was an Airbus, which uses so-called “fly-by-wire” technology that relies entirely on electronic rather than hydraulic and manual systems. Boeing jets also use fly-by-wire, but allow pilots to override computers in an emergency — whereas Airbus systems don’t.
A report from 2000 shows that, far from revealing an inadvertent design flaw, the difference highlights a real philosophical divide over whether computers or humans are best left to handle emergencies: It’s essentially a question of what do you trust most— a human being’s ingenuity or a computer’s infinitely faster access and reaction to information.