“It builds up energy, or something, and it really really hurts!”—Me, explaining why it hurt when she hit me with a cord in a whiplike motion. I should not have gone down the path of explaining something I had no idea how to finish
Before it, was an ordinary week…and an ordinary month.
And then it wasn’t ordinary. It was suddenly sad.
All the ordinary stuff that led up to it seems like foreshadowing now.
And the ordinary days now feel like I’m counting up to some sort of unknown tragedy. What if this is the ordinary day before another tragic night? When I was going through my day, blissfully unaware of what would happen next. Blissfully unaware that the cough isn’t just another cough. The red light isn’t just another red light. This headache isn’t just another headache.
“Sometimes I can’t remember whether I’m dead or alive.”—My dad, in a dream I just had where he was standing in some random hallway I was walking through. The ghost-dad dreams went away for a while but now they are back.
“I’ll just basically tolerate it. I won’t get super excited or build it up too much. I won’t gush over the other girls, other than engaging them as people. I won’t let them see me roll my eyes too much.”—
Hi Amanda. I want to respond to your approval/cocaine post in a silly manner, as I am wont to do. I want to say something like "Give approval. Bitches love approval." I think it's silly enough that people won't think I'm misogynist (besides my record on the matter), but I don't want to ruffle your fine feathers because I know you feel strongly about such matters (which I respect greatly, BTW). Would it be OK with you? And don't feel like you have to say yes just because I'm praising you. Your feelings are way more important than a dumb joke. I'm glad we could have this talk. :-)