I thought, I wonder if this is like the headache that my friend’s sister got last summer and she finally went to the hospital to get it checked out and never got to go home again because it was a brain tumor.
And I thought what would happen if I had a brain tumor? Would we want Emerson to come and see me in the hospital? Or would I just die and it would months before she figured out why I wasn’t at home with her?
It’s not that I’m a pessimist. I don’t think that there’s a high probability that something bad *will* happen.
It’s just that I never let go of the possibility that it *could* happen.
Most people just take ibuprofen and don’t give it a second thought.
I’m reading a book and it says to write three pages long hand first thing in the morning every day, and that makes me lol because I barely have time to read the book. I think there’s an asterisk in the book that assumes that we have evolved to a point where days are 30 hours long or that we no longer require sleep, only recharging. So I’ll do it when I need to when it’s convenient for me and as much or as little as I want to.
I’ve been in a March Sadness funk. A feeling where everyone else’s life sucks but I’m pretty much OK. Situations where I can’t do anything or shouldn’t do anything. So I sit around until their lives clear up and wonder if it is too soon to start cracking jokes about things because that’s the only way I know to communicate but I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t care.
Feeling like I’m about to walk into an armed robbery….and also that I’m both overcaffeinated and about 75% asleep all the time. Jumpy and irrational.
I posted on FB a few days ago Ben Franklin’s daily agenda. His morning question was “What good can I do today?”. I feel like the only “good” I do is for other middle class white people.
Most of the memories I have are of people letting me down or of making things worse when I’m already feeling down.
Waaah. Sucking it up now, redirecting angst into something that matters.
I’ve been getting notes in my askplace from people sharing their feelings about past weight loss attempts and their trepidation about running at that particular wall again. I’d like to share some suggestions for beginning a serious health overhaul.
I’ll preface this by saying that I haven’t reached my long-term goal, though I have managed to keep 20-plus pounds off for a year and have regularly exercised for over a year. But really, I’m just as full of b.s. as the next human, so take anything I have to offer with that grain of salt, but also with trust that I am sharing what has worked for me and other people who have succeeded. Finally, know that like me, you may have to try a host of different things, tweaking and honing until you find a formula that works.
A few things that have worked for me, in addition to a bunch of the stuff mentioned in this post. Even though the weight loss has plateaued for now, this is the first time I’ve lost weight (18 pounds since November 2009) that I haven’t rebounded to my starting weight and then some within a year.
I weigh every weekday. If I gain weight compared to the previous weigh-in, I don’t drink (diet or regular) soda that day. This allows me to rehydrate and also is a ever-so-mild check on my behavior along the lines of “If I eat this package of cookies tonight, I might have to give up soda tomorrow.” It’s very rare that I get to drink soda on Mondays. It’s nothing I lose sleep over, like I would if I told myself I would never get to eat cookies again.
Watch something enjoyable/informative while exercising. TED Talks, Netflix instant, and iTunesU have gotten me through the last year of elliptical training and strength training. Exercising is the only time I really have to do this, so now my mind is “Oh I get to watch Freakonomics!” instead of “Ugh. 30 minutes of strength training.”
Track house cleaning or other chores like snow shoveling as exercise in LoseIt or some other app/website. My facebook friends make fun of me for tracking this, but it has improved my life in so many ways. I feel like there’s some sort of benefit to picking up clutter and emptying the dishwasher instead of it being a black hole of time. So instead of looking at a big mess and resent ever getting married or having a family, I see it as an opportunity. This is a little Stepford wife-ish, I know, but continually getting mad at the fact that I notice clutter before Rod does and therefore need to do it myself or get on his case to do it himself was really, really not working for me. This way, my emotions are more under my control. And cleaner surroundings make me happier as well.